Wow, I have not posted here in like, forever. Without reinventing trite phrases, I shall iterate that the trajectory of this bit of webspace has been recalibrated. I shall somewhere, sometime, restate the original intentions of this blog.
Due to extenuating circumstances I have moved on to new and exciting vistas including:
1. Replacing Gus, the second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania, with Phil, the famousest groundhog. The reason(s) for this are:
a. Gus has somehow been appointed to the position, apparently for life, of being the spokesanimal for the Pennsylvania Lottery.
b. Gus has a squeaky and thoroughly annoying "voice" (You didn't know that ground-hogs could speak, did you?!!)
c. Gus is on all the time on TV, radio, and possibly in this day and age, on one or another of those rodent-accessible twit sites.
d. Phil, the most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania, is employed exactly one day per year to wit: February 2, when he is ignominiously dragged out from his abode by a bunch of guys with funny hats. He is presented to the entire planet before he has had the chance to brush his teeth or comb his pelt.
e. Phil is UNemployed 364 days per year.
f. Gus has made more than enough for any groundhog to comfortably retire. Heck he can afford to buy more scratch off tickets than most lottery ticket buyers and any groundhog can comfortably scratch off in the allotted time before the tickets expire.
g. Phil would more than likely have a more acceptable voice than Gus as nearly any self-respecting rodent who appears on TV should have.
It is for these reasons that I have and shall dedicate a large portion of my time and effort to assuring this rodent-spokesanimal replacement.
2. Other projects I am working on are improvements on a a few of my inventions. Among them are:
a. A rotary-dial cell phone.
b. A nap app for any phone whether connected by wire or just through the ether.
3. Increasing public awareness about the fact that there is no such thing as a flat tire; they are only flat on the bottom.
4. Setting up an arbitration department for the reclamation of supposedly obsolete sayings. The one at the the top of my list is: "When all is said and done... (the user was free to insert the summation of their choice here)." It was changed without authorization (from me), notification, or legislation to "At the end of the day...". It could be said that when all is said and done that there would be nothing to do and nothing to say however I find that preferable to the stretched out "at the end of the day". Why not just say "at night..." instead?!! It was obviously first mindlessly uttered by one of those all-change-is-gooders. I hereby, by fiat, deem that "When all..." shall now be the only utterable version of "At the end....)!
5. On this, the day of the demise of Steve Jobs, all former hyperbole has been exceeded by those who hyperbolize hyperbole. I have heard everything from Jobs inventing the personal computer to inventing the iPhone neither I'm sure happened. Steve Jobs was a salesman, one who catered to what we now see as the posers in coffee shops who won't even be seen without their half-laptops (tablets). The facts are as follows:
a. When the first apple machine came rolling out, there were already numerous other programmable, inexpensive devices ("personal" computers) out there; among them were the Commodore 64, the Timex Sinclair, the TI 99/4A, and the Tandy TRS-80, among others.
b. Neither Apple nor Steve Jobs invented the graphical user interface. Though urban legend says that Jobs got the idea for the GUI at Xerox PARC, I aver that I saw a GUI at least a decade before. It was at the University of Illinois on the PLATO machine in the Illini Union that I walked up to the terminal to get the bus schedules on the terminal. The selections were done using your finger to point at the various items on the screen (wow, light years ahead of its time!), and the display was graphical hence the first graphical user interface I had ever seen or used. I would be dollars to donuts that there were at least some U of I graduates who worked at Xerox in those days.
(rant to be continued...)
No comments:
Post a Comment